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RAD-Struggles Adopted Children

RAD-Struggles Adopted Children

I do not have the perfect family situation as you may think I have.  My family has struggles like most families have.  Every day is a struggle to teach my adoptive children that they are loved, and God loves them.

See update on my family as of 2015 below.

Struggles With Our Adopted Children
Struggles With Our Adopted Children

This has been extremely difficult to teach two of my children that had never bonded with anyone, never experienced someone who cared for them, or experienced someone who loved them.

When I write about trusting God and having Faith in God, I am living a life where I have to Trust and have Faith in God.  Over the past several years, I have needed God’s help more than ever.  I believe that all things work for the Glory of God.  God has all of us in His hands.  His promises are true.  He will take care of His children.  Following God does not mean that life will not be difficult.  During these extremely challenging times in my life, I could deny God, or I could draw closer to Him and believe in His promises to take care of my family and me.  God does have plans to prosper us and not to harm those who love Him.

After experiencing difficult times in my life,  I know that God’s blessings do come.  In other words, there is a light at the end of the dark tunnels in our lives. This has been true with almost every hardship that I have experienced.  Since our family is in the middle of a very difficult situation, we keep believing that one day we will see the good that will come out of everything.

I have often mentioned  that my husband and I have five children.  Three of our children are biological, and two were adopted.  Three of our children have special needs.  Caleb is 15 years old.  Caleb’s story here. He has had 17 brain surgeries.  He has cerebral palsy, seizures, and selective mutism.  He is extremely loving.  He reminds us often with his actions what is important in life

Caleb teaches all of us what is truly important in life.  He is constantly trying to hug everyone in our family who will make time to hug him.

Our youngest two children were adopted.

Our son was adopted at age 7 1/2 and his biological sister was also adopted at the same time at age 4.  They are currently 13 and 9 years old.  Both our son and our daughter had experienced extreme trauma before they were adopted, which was just revealed to us by our adopted son in 2011.  The trauma caused both of them to have RAD, Reactive Attachment Disorder. The main issue with RAD is that they do not trust or love anyone.  The trauma made our son extremely emotional, violent, and angry.  We tried out-patient counseling for both of our children.  We finally had no choice but to find a treatment facility to help our son.  Thank God he is making some progress.  Unfortunately, our daughter is still struggling with bad dreams, depression, and lack of trust.  Outpatient counseling is not helping her either.  We decided to find a treatment facility to help her deal with all the emotional trauma she is currently experiencing.

Placing her in a treatment facility has been extremely difficult for me. I feel like part of my heart is being ripped out not once but now twice.  As a mom, part of me feels like I have failed them. Read my Mother’s Day Thoughts and Prayers Post

Please pray that one day both of our children will believe that God has a plan for their lives. God allowed them to be adopted into a Christian home so that they could have the opportunity to learn about Him.  They have learned that God loves them.  They have memorized Bible stories and many Bible verses. They have been learning that God put them in a family to be loved.

I am writing this Post praying that it will help someone else who is struggling with children or any issues where it seems like there is no hopeMy husband and I both truly believe that God has a plan for all of us and He will use us for His Glory one day. 

For all of you wondering if we still believe in adoption, YES!  We adopted to give two children a chance to be loved and a chance to know God.  Every child needs a loving, caring family and a chance to know God.  I would not wish the past 6 years on anyone, but one day when my children truly accept God, it will have all been worth it.

The one thing I wish I could change in this world is for every orphan to be adopted as babies before they suffer a lot of trauma. Trauma causes RAD, Reactive Attachment Disorder. Trauma can be caused by things early in childhood like neglect and not having their needs met at a young age, which causes them not to trust anyone.  The older an orphan becomes they may actually be abused which causes even more problems.

Our Trust is in God more than ever to take care of our children.  Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

UPDATE on my adoptive children, 2015

I am thrilled to tell you that my adoptive son, Jonah accepted Jesus for his savior in Dec. 2014.  He is 17 and doing pretty good. He is slowly trusting us.  My adopted daughter, Diana, who is now 13, is doing very well.  She is becoming a sweet loving, happy child.

If you are struggling with your adoptive kids behavior, please read everything you can about attachment disorder, RAD.  It may save your family.  I would also highly recommend you attending an attachment conference.  ShowHope has a great attachment conference.  They feature Dr. Karyn Purvis, who is amazing at teaching parents about attachment issues and how to deal with your special kids.

Books I highly recommend

  • The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis, Ph.D. – Read this book several times.
  • When Love is Not Enough by Nancy L. Thomas
  • After the Dream Comes True by Michelle Gardner
  • The Whole Life Adoption Book by Jayne E. Schooler
  • From Fear to Love by Bryan Post, PhD
  • How to End Lying, Stealing, and Defiance in Children DVD by Dr. Bryan Post, PhD
  • Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control by Dr. Bryan Post, PhD
  • Adoption as a Ministry, Adoption as a Blessings by Michelle Gardner – This is a great book but not about attachment. 


8 Responses to RAD-Struggles Adopted Children

    • Thank you so very much Paula. I truly believe in the power of prayer. My daughter has a long way to go but is already making lots of progress. She was able to spend this past weekend with us. It was the best time we have had in years. God is Good.

  1. Wow my friend I had no idea things were so hard for them.I will be praying for their healing and for them to feel the love of God through you guys.We know your love and Gods will not return void!,

    • We still know God will use them to encourage others with their story. It has been and still is a difficult road but we really trust God. Thank you for your sweet comment. Blessings, Diane

  2. Continuing to pray for all of you!!! Believing and trusting with you that God has a plan for their lives! Love you all so much!!!

  3. I am praying for you and your family – I was adopted, although as an infant. I feel for you and your children – remember God’s promises are true – He will never leave you or forsake you. He has a plan for both you and your children!

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