Trust God and Daily Surrender Everything To Him
Our Special Need Son, Caleb.
Caleb teaches us so many lessons about unconditional Love and patience. He has Cerebral Palsy, Seizures, Selective Mutism, and has had 17 shunt failures. He lights up the room with his sweet, kind, and loving heart.
Psalm 116:1 I love the Lord because he listens to my prayers for help. He paid attention to me, so I will call to Him for help as long as I live.
Yes, I know God has a plan for my children, but it is so difficult for me to trust Him totally with my kids.
My protective motherly instincts take over, and I lose focus on who is in control. I know God loves me and all five of my children. I also know He wants the best for all of us. Many times I have been guilty of asking God for help in a situation concerning one of my children and then taking the issue back to work it out on my own.
With five children, many times I have asked God for help and then took control of the situation without waiting on God to answer my prayer.
- My special needs son, was born with a brain bleed. He has a shunt that keeps him alive. He has had 17 emergency brain surgeries. Caleb has Cerebral Palsy and Seizures. I have to Trust God!
- Jonah was adopted at age 7 1/2 and has many diagnoses including RAD, depression, ADHD, and more. Again, I have to Trust God!
- was adopted at age 4. She too has diagnoses including RAD, depression, ADHD, and several learning difficulties. I have to Trust God!
- Casey is 19 and in college. He is a few hours away. I have to trust God daily He will take care of him!
- Carly my oldest daughter, is in medical school. We were blessed to have Carly at home during college. Now, she is in her third year of medical school. She plans to be a doctor one day. I have to trust God is protecting her!
I want to share Caleb’s story with you and how I had to surrender him to God. I had to Trust God!
Casey and Caleb were born on August 28, 1996. Casey was a healthy baby. Caleb was breech. After thirteen days in neonatal intensive care, the doctor did an ultrasound on Caleb’s head. The ultrasound showed a bleed in his brain. A major health problem my worse nightmare. Something was now seriously wrong with my baby. Caleb started having seizures. The neurosurgeon operated to get rid of the spinal fluid and blood that was building up in Caleb’s brain.
Worst Brain Bleed You Could Have
Caleb’s bleed became critical and developed into worst bleed that you could have. The surgeon put a shunt in Caleb’s head that failed within a day. Caleb had another surgery to remove that shunt and put in an external drain. After this surgery, Caleb was given Morphine for his pain. Caleb stopped breathing several times after surgery and after Morphine. A couple of times the nurses had to bring him back to life while I was holding him. Several days later we learned that Caleb had developed a staph infection in his brain. Another nightmare!!! I had to Trust God, but How?
Moving On Top Of Caleb Fighting For His Life
We were in the process of moving to another state. Moving would give my husband less travel where he could be home more to help with the babies. Our house was being regularly shown. It finally sold, but we were not ready to move. Caleb was still critical. On top of all this, Carly my oldest daughter started kindergarten a few days after the boys were born. I was leaving my newborn baby (Casey) at home with his dad or my mother-in-law while spending all day at the hospital. Casey was healthy and was released from the hospital four days after birth. He was no longer allowed in NICU.
My Daily Hospital Routine when my boys were born.
I had a terrible time leaving Casey, my new-born at home with someone else to watch. I often cried because I wanted so badly to be bonding with Casey at home. He was only a few days old. I was missing out on an incredibly special bonding times. I leave the house every day filling an entire lake with my tears.
Returning Home Most Evenings
When I returned home in the evenings and spent time with Casey, he had awful colic. He cried for hours at a time. My life was spinning out of control. My plans were not working. I had to trust God that He had a plan. My days consisted of leaving Casey, dropping Carly off at kindergarten, and filling up another lake with my tears after leaving both of my babies.
I Had To Trust God
Again, I had to trust God that He would take care of Casey and Carly. After 2 1/2 months of these extremely stressful mornings, I arrived at the hospital to find several people standing over Caleb. He was screaming his lungs out. The lab tech needed to draw blood daily, but this particular day Caleb had no blood to give. His pic-line was not working, and they were drawing blood the regular way. I felt so helpless.
I Was Helpless Without God
There was nothing I could do about this horrible situation, but stand there helpless and listen to Caleb scream until he could not make any more sounds. After everyone had left, I stood over him and put my hands on his face. I started sobbing uncontrollably. I remember wiping my tears from Caleb’s tiny face…
I told God I knew that His Word said that He would not give me more than I could handle, but I could not handle anymore. I pleaded with God to Taking CALEB TO HEAVEN or HEAL HIM. I reminded God that I was Physical, Mentally and Spiritually drained. I was alone, empty, and utterly helpless. What I was doing was completely giving my life and all my problems over to God. I had to Trust God!
After 2 1/2 months, this was the first time since Caleb’s birth that I realized I was helpless and needed God to show up in my life and take completely over. I have since learned I not only need to humble myself when I need God to do BIG things, but I need to humble myself before God every day. This is particularly the case for me when dealing with issues concerning my children.
After One Week Of Surrendering Everything To God
One week after praying and entirely giving Caleb to God, he was released from the hospital. Caleb has had many more shunt failures and surgeries. At age 7, he had ten emergency brain surgeries within three months. During this time, Caleb and I lived in the hospital during Christmas. I was separated from my other children on Christmas Day.
Additional Tough Times
We have had much more tough times with Caleb, but my first experience with entirely surrendering Caleb to God helps remind me that God is in control. He has a plan for Caleb, and He loves Caleb, Casey, Carly, Jonah, and Diana more than I do. He wants me to give every situation to Him and Trust God will work everything out.
If you are experiencing a difficult situation with a child, totally give it to God! I hope you receive His peace and know He is working everything out! Trust God!!
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